dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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