yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
