I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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