Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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