I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Plan B is the new Plan A
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
