Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize