when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
