I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
