how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
