Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
