There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
