He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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