I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
