if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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