I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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