They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
two words...techno handjob
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
