I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's rum buckets o'clock
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
