Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize