WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I want her autograph on my taint
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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