Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
