I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize