I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
