I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
