those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
