I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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