the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
