you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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