He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
