Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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