remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
