She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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