So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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