i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I FOUND THE LEGS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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