I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
