Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
