Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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