We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
