the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
