yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
