i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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