the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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