Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
