I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just had sex bonerless
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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