1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Soap is not a condiment
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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