the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
