final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
