her vagine was all disorganized.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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