From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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