weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
