I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
