at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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