I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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