filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
