I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
