Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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