meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
