that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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