If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
