There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
