i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
