My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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