if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
