please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am one with the molecules
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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