i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
