and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
