I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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