i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He has the fingertips of a God
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