So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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