and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
