Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
