you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
